My Journey to the Catholic Faith
I’ve recently come under fire online for promoting Catholic doctrine and speaking favorably about the Roman Catholic church. Some have accused me of apostasy for confessing my desire to enter into full communion with the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. Out of consideration for those who knew me when I was still a Protestant academic and minister (though never confessionally Reformed, I should note), when I was Editor-in-Chief of the Logos Academic Blog, and when I was host of The Modern Puritan podcast as part of my role at Reformation Heritage Books, I want to give a brief account of my journey into the Catholic faith. I hope this account enlightens those who are confused, and encourages those who are curious, about the true Church.
The adventure started when I arrived in England for my postgraduate studies after graduating from The Masters Seminary, connected to John MacArthur’s church in California. I had been ministering in conservative evangelical circles for a number of years by that point, after spending about half a decade in more charismatic and house church situations. I preached, led worship, wrote hymns, taught Bible studies, etc. Starting seminary was the answer to addressing a burning desire in my heart to know and teach the Bible, to exegete Scripture from the original languages of Greek and Hebrew.
In seminary, I went through a rapid transformation over three years from a convinced King-James-Only-advocate to the weird guy in the class asking quasi-forbidden questions for anybody in a reformed, Protestant seminary, such as why the atoning work of Christ is limited (the “L” in TULIP is Limited Atonement, which means that Christ only died for those foreordained by God to salvation, not for everyone). While I was a bit of an outlier in that somewhat rigid seminary context, I was also fully committed to learning the Scriptures and theology in order to teach well, and to know God more. I sank my teeth into Greek and Hebrew especially, even carrying around a Hebrew-Greek Bible for years and eventually preaching from it (I don’t do this anymore, by the way).
Although I entered seminary intending to eventually pastor a church, I ended up applying to the top Theology departments at a number of British universities to earn a doctorate, including Cambridge, St Andrews, Aberdeen, Manchester, and Durham. I chose Durham because John Barclay was there and I wanted to study under him, but also, Durham has a tremendous legacy of brilliant Christian scholars passing through Abbey House and the adjacent Durham Cathedral including Lightfoot, Cranfield, Dunn, Watson, Ayers, Moberly, and Wright (and as of this month, Macaskill).
(church journey in England)
During our 10 years in England attending Anglican parishes (and visits to Durham Cathedral!) I always felt that something was missing. I would attend services at the Cathedral at times, either alone or with family, and be moved beyond what I had ever experienced in typical Protestant settings. The coordination of aesthetics, music, dress, and proclamation were all very appealing to me, and novel. But at that time I still thought of high church services as just a more elaborate form of the same evangelical service framework: music, preaching, prayer. And sometimes communion.
Upon return to the States in Jan 2022, we spent 2 years trying to find a church to call home, from Reformed, to Evangelical, to Anglican, etc. They all shared the same fundamental things in their worship: music, preaching, and prayer. And the climax for them all was in the preaching of the Word. I agreed with that focus on the Scriptures, and every week I would go hoping to hear a great sermon, to be moved by the preaching of the Word, to hear the preacher proclaim something profound about the Triune God we serve. And that in fact was one of the turning points. I started to realize that all the focus on Jesus and the Cross in Protestant preaching was resulting in a neglect of talk about the Trinity (and you can hear me talk about this at length with Ian Hamilton here).
I remember visiting a moderately sizes Baptist church about a year into our time in Grand Rapids, and during our third or fourth visit I got to talking with one of the elders. And in that conversation I expressed by disappointment with the overemphasis on Jesus to the exclusion of the Trinity. He recoiled slightly, looked at me suspiciously, and we never spoke again. And we were churchless again.
The real catalyst for me was meeting with the staff at St Thomas preschool, the only preschool that had any openings for my then 4-year old daughter. We sat in the conference room with the school headmaster and head teacher, and every word out of their mouths was peppered with “Christ”, “Christ-like”, “Christ-centered” and so forth. I hadn’t expected that. They were Catholics, after all, heretics and apostates who have perverted the pure Gospel of Jesus Christ (or so my inner voice was saying). Why are they talking so much about Christ? Soon my daughter was coming home crossing herself and praying standard prayers before meals and at bedtime.
So I reached out to my friend, and Catholic Patristic theologian, Professor Lewis Ayers (who happened to preside over my doctoral defense at Durham) and asked for a reading list. He told me to read these:
Ratzinger’s Introduction to Christianity
Congar’s The Meaning of Tradition
de Lubac’s Catholicism: Christ and the Common Destiny of Man
and precious to my heart, Daniélou’s Prayer: The Mission of the Church
I’ve since dove into a bunch of Pitre’s work on the Eucharist and Mariology, started Sheeben’s Mysteries, and read Whitehead’s One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic.
My wife held out for some time, as she was raised Catholic and had had a bad, syncretistic experience with the church in Brazil. She’s been observing the way I’ve been leading the children in prayer and Bible study, and hearing me talk about the readings I’m doing in Ratzinger and the Catechism in particular. But after attending an evening Easter Vigil a few weeks ago at our local parish church, she came home changed: we’re now enrolling our girls in a nearby Catholic Classical Academy, she’s shopping for veils and reading books by Cardinal Sarah, and she’s eager to get our children confirmed this coming year.
As for me, I’m praying the Rosary on occasion and attending Mass as often as I can outside of Sundays (we’re fortunate to live very close to Aquinas College, which has daily mass in their beautiful chapel). As hard as life has been for us these past 18 months (those who know, you know), the light of the Gospel is shining in and over our family and we are moving forward together.
I should clarify that I’m not yet officially Catholic for reasons of Form. There is a deeper, longer story in there that I will share at some point in the future. For now, know that I am elated and humbled to be where I am now in my journey with our Lord. He was patient with me, so very patient, and led me along slowly as a pace that would have angered my younger, street preacher self who thought I had to get people to profess faith right now or be damned forever.
God brings each of his children home in his time, and our journey back to the Father is oftentimes winding, treacherous, desperate, and lonely. But here I am, in the arms of Christ’s Church, eager to finally commune with our Lord in his Eucharist, grateful to finally know and speak with our Mother as well as the great mass of saints, and awed by the majesty and mystery of our Triune God.
I welcome you to join me.